by admin on April 21, 2012
Every time I take the bus, which is not very often mind you, I feel like I’m in a Dave Chapelle skit. My skin starts to itch and I feel insatiable- unsatisfied with my life options for the duration of the trip.
I could get down on myself for not being “in the moment” and “appreciating what is”. But then I realize I am in fact doing both, letting myself fully live the dark moments of my experiences on the bus!
Today is no different. I notice my bright yellow shirt as contrast to the gray and black clothing that seems to dominate the dress on this bus today.
For my teens, 20′s and 30′s I wore all black. Maybe its par for the course as New Yorker, or perhaps it was pure rebellion from my mom making me return my black Gloria Vanderbilt jeans when I was ten.
It was my first time shopping on my own and I went to Gimbles in Brooklyn Heights and bought a pair of skin tight black jeans, and a comb to put in the back pocket. The entire walk home I planned my outfit for Monday, hair style included, only to have my fantasy shattered. Five minutes of looking through my purchases, mom said, “these you have to take back, Sherry. You are much too young for black”.
Today is Earth Day, and I’m desperate to get back to the island and get my hands in the dirt and my toes in the ocean. Wanting my inner earth to settle into the rhythm of the land i now call home.
But behold, on the bus I am, my ten year old son Miles sits next to me in skinny jeans and a black and grey T shirt. I know now what mom meant about being too young to wear black.
Those dark colors seem to strip away the playfulness of childhood.
So I wear yellow for us both and do my best to look at the sky and the trees through the window with out getting too bus-sick. And I take out some cocoa butter to slather my skin.
And I write this post.
And I breathe into the light and the dark of it all.
by Sherry Sidoti on March 19, 2012
Today a friend posted on facebook that her daughter asked her what does free-spirit mean. She then wrote: “Aaaahhh, how do you answer that when you miss it so much?”
This post made me terribly sad– why have we not been taught to protect our free spirit?
Last year I went to a delicious lecture by the scholar Ravi Ravindra. He spoke of how our method of education and parenting has created a culture of “non-learners”. Through our system of reward and punishment, children have lost their natural curiosity to explore the things they have a intrinsic interest in. By being told what is important to learn, or how to behave, who they become is driven by adults, whom sadly, have also have forgotten what it means to be a “free-spirit”.
Although we have grown to be what we’ve been told to be, and we focus on what we are told is important (job, mortgage, blah blah), our souls know we are more than this, that at a deep level we stir and crave to be true to our natural curiosities. Our spirits yearn to be free to do what we love.
And ignoring this deep knowing has created the great divide between how we think we should live vs. how we want to live. So many of us feel “trapped”. Feeling free has become packaged into week-long all inclusive vacations and “girl’s night out”.
Bukowski addresses this divide in his poem The Laughing Heart:
your life is your life
don’t let it be clubbed into dank submission.
be on the watch.
there are ways out.
there is a light somewhere.
it may not be much light but
it beats the darkness.
be on the watch.
the gods will offer you chances.
know them.
take them.
you can’t beat death but
you can beat death in life, sometimes.
and the more often you learn to do it,
the more light there will be.
your life is your life.
know it while you have it.
you are marvelous
the gods wait to delight
in you.
So in response to my friend’s facebook post, I offer this:
Five Steps to protecting your “free-spirit”:
1- Rebel against the “to-do” list for at least a few minutes daily. Carve time for playdate with your soul. Meditate, breathe, sit at the ocean, take a walk in nature, take a bath. Practice free time for yourself.
2- Practice “not-minding” or deflecting what others think, say, or assume about you. Create your personal “force-field” of protection. (tip: when feeling judged by others, place one hand on your belly–to protect your core, the energy center of self-esteem and the other palm facing out)
3- surround yourself with others who are able to support your happiness. We all have great friends who come to the rescue when we are in need or down in the dumps. A true friend is one who can stand by you and support your joy and your successes.
4- Enjoy the abundance that already surrounds you-especially nature, children and the elderly.
5- Embrace the mystery. Do what delights you. Make mistakes. Follow your heart. Trust more in the natural order of things.
by Sherry Sidoti on March 8, 2012
Unlike back in my day when Legos came in a big plastic box of mixed sizes and building was left to our own imaginations, nowadays Legos come packaged as mini scenes from movies and TV shows. On the outside of the boxes now, are colorful fantasy scenes from the latest Disney film, on the inside, miniscule pieces and a thick booklet with detailed instructions to build a Star Wars battleship, Spongebob Crusty Crab Shack or Harry Potter Hogwarts.
Trust me, I know. For five years, my son Miles was obsessed with Legos. Every birthday, Christmas, Easter. Tens of hours upon hours crouching on the floor looking for the tiny red light saver or Jack Sparrow’s hat. Hundreds of deep breaths dedicated to going from step 1-2-3-4-5, and so on. Thousands of tiny plastic pieces caught in my vacuum.
He’d beg at the table, “Mom, can I Lego after dinner?”
When did “Lego” become a verb?
I watched Miles’ pattern. He’d carefully remove the pieces from the box and right away organize them into categories (wheels in one pile, lights in another, etc). He’d smooth out the instructions page and read it through, carefully studying the steps. Then he’d take a sip of juice, or milk, or smoothie, as if to power up for the experience, and step by step methodically building the piece as instructed.
(It always turned out smaller than the picture on the box.)
But this was not where the fun ended…within minutes after Miles finished and admired his construction, he’d take it all apart. He used his hands, his teeth, my help– to quickly deconstruct the object and lay out all the pieces in a messy pile on the rug. Then he’d “go to town” building his own version of a rocket ship, or a tiny town for martians, a flying ambulance. The challenge- use every piece that came in the box for the new invention!
While he did this part, I remember how I could feel him vibrating with energy, the creativity moving through him like a lightening bolt as his imagination soared through our galaxy or back in time. He’d spend hours playing with these one of a kind masterpieces. Even save them on his dresser-top to show them off to his friends.
To Lego: to build, take apart, put back as new creation.
In yoga, we Lego every day: our bodies in the poses, our breath, our beliefs, our relationships, our habits, our responses, our capacity to love, to change, to be true to ourselves…
The individual pieces might stay the same, but when practiced we craft something new…
Maybe it’s time we lego this world.
by Sherry Sidoti on March 7, 2012
I convince myself I
really don’t mind that the trees are still without leaves.
“I can see more sky through them”, I say
But inside I long for the lush green.
Bright pink cherry blossoms.
Plump citrus and slippery avocados.
to the land where I see my son extending towards man-
chopping firewood and whittling daggers from sticks.
I think of the many of us who live this way,
criss-crossing island life with other realities, love for other places, people. Parts of ourselves.
I wonder does anyone else feel this torn in two?
The wind up in Chilmark yells to me, “Go to the water!”
So I do.
I push through the thick beach grass
I catch a breathtaking view of red clay cliffs.
Rolling waves of the Eastern shoreline.
I close my eyes and start spinning around as fast as I can
begging for a sign.
when I open my eyes again will I be shown?
Which way is home.
by Sherry Sidoti on March 1, 2012
Last year I was blessed to have met a “new” teacher (although felt like I’ve known him my entire life–his first words to me were “welcome home”) Miguel Angel, a Mayan scholar, high priest/shaman and heart master. I connected with him in Yucatan Mexico while on a sacred journey with my yoga/spiritual teacher Saul David Raye. Miguel’s teachings were so beautiful, that I continued ceremony and initiation with him in Guatemala this past December.
One of the more profound teachings he has shared with us is the most simple, and includes three instructions for living:
-Transmute
-Transform
-Share
Transmute: bite off from the bits and pieces within our lives, chew, swallow and digest. Keep the nutrients/vitamins, let go of the “waste”. Take the everyday life, pay attention to feelings, responses in the body, in the heart, have gratitude. Transmuting is the process of attentiveness, of churning, of openness, of discernment, of diligence within our practices, re-aligning our belief systems as we go. The art of living with awareness.
Transform: Notice that when you live with awareness how your perspective on your life starts to change? You recognize more details, small things. The in-between. What used to bring you down, stress you out, tug at you, suddenly does so a little less. From transmutation, your reserve well begins to build- more freshness, perspective, understanding about your life happenings. So the EVENTS or happenings of your life might not change, but your relationship to them does! This is transformation. The art of letting go to what we used to cling to, our conditioning, karmas and understanding our role and relationship to our life. Feeling, seeing, moving towards life differently.
Share: So what good is any of this unless we allow it to seep out of us and into the world! This will look differently to each of us. I might share by writing, or teaching yoga teacher training. You might share through your art or song. She might share by being an honest friend. While he might not even “do” anything, just radiate. The deal is to never of hoard your experiences. Share them! this takes courage, and a little bit of (as my sister Lisa would say in a thick Brooklyn accent) “get ovah ya-self” The art of taking risks and going into life deeper, not running away from it. And bringing others with you on the journey.
In my experience, when I go into nature, and into the nature of me, I am shown the way to transmute, transform and share. This is deeply healing.
So let’s take information and make it knowledge. Take knowledge and make it wisdom. Take wisdom and make it awareness. Take awareness and make it consciousness. Take consciousness and make it light (enlightenment). Take light and make it love. Take love and HEAL ourselves, others and our earth.
In the words of Ram Dass, ”We’re all just walking each other home.”
by Sherry Sidoti on February 12, 2012
I am in childs pose. Knees and seat spread. Belly and breath surrendered to earth. I chant an open Ooooooommmmmmm. I wrap the guttural sound around my low back and pelvis. An offering to all the people and all the experiences that have come before this moment.
I hike the mountains and listen to Mos Def (lyrics below). I have the urge to walk this hairpin path backwards so I turn and stumble over rocks and roots. I see the road I’ve traveled so far and am surprised at how winding it is. Surprised to see I’ve already moved so quickly from where I began.
I stand in the cold Pacific facing the shore. The water is rough and I feel uncertain as the waves creep up on me. My legs are numb and I want to run out of the water. I barter with my fear, promising to stand with my back to the incoming waves for at least seven waves. An offering of letting the unknown in. I realize I’d have to travel backwards around the entire globe to get to my roots in Brooklyn.
I’m in Target trying on a bathing suit in a three way mirror. I had forgotten all about that eagle tattooed on my back. I realize it sits over the one herniated disc I have on my spine that has brought me much pain over these years. The eagle image came from a ring that used to belong to my grandfather that had been stolen from me. To my 23 year old self at the tattoo shop in Miami, it represented freedom. Ironic, now it reminds me of the place where I get stuck.
I sit on my shins in vajdrasana and practice a meditation technique called chaotic breathing. Is as it sounds, no rhyme nor reason in my breathing pattern as I move my body chaotically. A few minutes in I feel my low spine release and with it the image of my 6 year old self running through the woods with a swarm of bees following me. I feel my dad’s hands, warm and wide covering my little back with lotion. I feel it, he loves me.
Not all memories of him sting.
My spinning teacher ends each class by having us pedal backwards for a few minutes. We do this to unwind. To release.
Today I do this as practice–moving towards my past stronger, with gratitude and humility.
I tell my students not to try so hard to sit upright during seated meditation. I say, “relax into your body. you don’t have to fight to hold up your spine. Trust that your spine is holding you up. Like the poles of a tent, let bones support you. Allow your skin and muscles and organs to drape like fabric. Know you are supported”,
“I’ve got your back”.
some lyrics to “My Life” by Mos Def
“My whole life is real, my whole life is ill
A fantastic, a beautiful mess…
Well do this: MOVE!
Back, forward, move
Life is real, let’s move on…
Life goin in every direction but rewind…
So real, too real, news real–edited
The close up block out the rest of it
True evident, false measurement…
Scribe lively, so timely,that is timeless
And is lovely, and is ugly, as it must be”
